Inner Thought of a Retail Worker

5:00PM (just getting to work)

"Ok, I can do this. Just 6 hours"

5:30PM (the assignment)
"Why the fuck does my manager want me to do this?"

5:45PM (task accomplished?)

"Fuck it, that's good enough."

6:30PM (the Busy Streak)

"Why the fuck are there so many people in my store and why are they all god awfully fat?"

6:35PM (the realization)

"Good lord these people really are huge!"

7:00PM (end of the Busy Streak)

"I guess this is the type of weather that drives fat people off their fat asses and into my store."

7:15PM (Catching Up)

"Now that the fat people have exited I can do my projects. Irony is my project is to stock candy which only encourages the fatness to ensue."

7:45PM (Stalking)

"I know that douche is going to steal something. He needs to back the hell away from the USB drives soon. I will chase and murder this dude if our alarm goes off on him. I swear to god today will be the day I get fired."

8:00PM (Silence)

"So the alarm didn't go off. I guess he can live another day"

8:30-9:30PM (What now?)

"Finished all my projects so now I'm going to bull shit with my co-workers. GODDAMN KIDS FUCKING UP MY CANDY DISPLAY!!!"

10:00PM (the replanting)

"Freshly stocked Ring Pops and Gobstoppers for more children and fat fucks to consume. Hooray for sugar. I remember when I gave my fiance in kindergarten a ring pop as an engagement ring and then I took back from her when she broke my red crayon. You do not fuck with a man's Red Ninja Turtle Crayon."

10:30PM (Anxiousness)

"30 more fucking minutes! This clock is slower than those fat people from earlier. Why can't fat people eat time and make it go by faster?"

11:00PM (Closing Time)

"Must snipe the asshole in the SUV! Must lock door before he gets inside, we are closed motherfucker!

11:01Pm (Sighs of Relief)

"YES! I beat that smug asshole to the door. What a dick for even trying that shit"

11:10PM (Locking up)

"I really don't want to do a bag check on this girl. Her purse smells like odor of old whore and cigarettes. I don't care if she is stealing just so long as I don't have to smell her baggage o' Whorehouse"

11:15pm (the Greeting)

Girlfriend says "Hey, honey how was your night?"

I say "oh the usual, not so bad. I'm hungry"