My mom the rockstar

Conventional has never been the tone of my household. That's just not how we operated.

And a lot of that stems from my mom being a loving hippie who enjoys some excellent rock 'n' roll music and  cheesy horror films. I want to share with everyone a little background about my mom so you can get a feel for who I am and where my love of music came from.

My mom has always been a bigger rockstar than me. She still has a scar on her hand from when a guy was crowd surfing during a mosh pit at Danzig and slammed her hand into a rail when she was doing the Danzig "forbidden action" and trying to take a picture of him. But that's not all.

My favorite rockstar story about my mom is when Marilyn Manson came to the House of Blues during the Rape of the World Tour. The crowd was insane! They were even moshing in between bands when there was no music playing. Of course as soon as Marilyn Manson came on the crowd exploded and me and all of my friends, including my mom got separated from each other not even 20 seconds into the show. It was just me and my girlfriend for the next 80 or 85 minutes. We had agreed beforehand if we got split up to just meet each other back at the merchandise booth after the show.

So sure enough, Manson played his encore and everyone exited the venue. One by one I got all my friends back and I finally ran into my mom. I should mention she had just turned 60 years old just a couple months prior to this show.

I saw her and she looked a bit abused. She was missing an earring, her watch was broken, her hair and makeup were all messed up. I panicked a bit and said "are you okay?" And with much enthusiasm she screamed "I CAUGHT A DRUMSTICK!"

So there I was the whole night trying to avoid mosh pits for me and my girlfriend and my mom caught a Ginger Fish drum stick. So yea, she is a bigger rockstar than I'll ever be and I absolutely love her for it.

She's given me great gifts over the years such as shelter, food on the table and an unwavering love. However, there were so many subtle things that made me who I am today. She had me listen to her 45 records of doo-wop which made me appreciate what real music sounds like. I love doo-wop to this day, especially the Platters. She taught me that hurting others was never the correct action and that everyone should be treated equally. Without her guidance I would not be the person I am today.

There were many days that the only reason I woke up during my darkest times, was because I didn't want to abandon her after all she had done for me.

Lastly, she gave me a really kickass name. I like the name Grant and she gave me my middle name, Vincent, after Vincent Price. So yea, I was named after a vampire! How did you think I would turn out?

It's all these things and more that mean the world to me and make me who I am. It doesn't take mother's day to make me realize that as I see a little bit of her ways in me everyday. Thank you so much for that, mom.

I love you,
Your Son Grant

In Need of a Faith Lift

My college newspaper opted not to run this for fear of backlash. Here is the editorial I wrote about the future pope.

As Pope Benedict XVI’s tenure comes to an end, his legacy will be marred with controversy. Although exonerated, his status as a member of the Hitler youth has tainted his reputation and had his actions questioned by sects from all over the globe. Aside from his ties to the Reich, he has also been implicated on covering up various child abuse scandals within the Catholic Church.

            Before he was Pope Benedict, he was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger and before his papacy he spent 24 years as the Head of the Congregation of the Faith, which was once known as the Holy Office of the Inquisition. This is the same inquisition that accounted for thousands of deaths and murders over the centuries due to religious differences and accusations of witchcraft. In other words, Pope Benedict has been involved with organizations with extremely poor images.

            With a new face about to emerge as the next poster child of Catholicism it’s time the Catholic Church joined the 21^st century. 

            First of all, next guy (because the Catholic Church will never allow a female pope) can’t be a former Nazi. If you were a manager in charge of hiring and former employers included Adolph Hitler or any other murderous dictator, one would be inclined to think you wouldn’t hire them. So why should the highest religious position in the world get a pass?

            Secondly, the next top dog for the church has to report any and all reports of abuse of any kind to authorities. During Ratzinger’s role as Cardinal, all the cases of the child abuse reported throughout the Catholic Church came to his desk. One particularly sickening incident was Wisconsin Reverend Lawrence C. Murphy who worked at deaf school for 24 years. During his tenure, he allegedly molested nearly 200 deaf boys.

            Despite various letters from local and national church figures urging the Vatican to intervene, Pope Jean Paul II and Cardinal Ratzinger did nothing and Father Murphy died of old age before being punished. This was even after Murphy wrote a letter to Ratzinger asking to not be tried for his crimes so he can die with the “integrity” of the priesthood. Shorthand, the next pope cannot be a Nazi who may have covered up child molestation.

            A solution: let priests get married. If the bible teaches that we are here to repopulate and spread the word of god, why prevent god’s most devout from spreading their seed? Most pedophiles are not homosexual and are opportunist abusers. They abuse whomever they can get away with. Rather than forcing old men to be with young boys for years on end, let them marry someone and have their “needs” satisfied.

            Finally, the church needs to get with reality. The doctrine needs to change. Stop condemning Africans to hell for using condoms when the population is burdened by the world’s largest AIDS epidemic.  Stop telling women what they can or can’t do with their body.  Leave the gays alone. Marriage should be a human right not a heterosexual privilege. Everyone should be allowed to get married, that includes priests. The next pope is scheduled to be announced around Easter.

Anti Chick Fil-A

Back in August I wrote a very "tasty" piece about how Chick Fil-A's actions were immoral. Unfortunately, the article never ran in my newspaper because no one dared write an opposition piece to it. Ninety-five percent of the people I asked to oppose me for the paper already agreed with me. The other 5% bowed out because they knew they didn't have a leg to stand on. I asked churches and hate groups (same thing right? Just kidding) to even pitch in on this matter and all of them ducked out. Either my article is extremely bad ass or Christianity is fresh out of decent writers. So here is my anti-Chick Fil-A column. Enjoy, comment, argue - just say something intelligent.

Chick-fil-A has new spicy chicken sandwich, but don’t call it flaming. That word can get you in trouble around there.

            During a radio interview, the president and chief operating officer of Chick-fil-A, Dan Cathy, said that gay marriage is “inviting God’s judgment on our nation.” Since that interview the media world has been on fire with stories and tweets voicing what’s right or wrong about the stance a fast-food company has on a political and religious agenda.

            I’m not here to argue about Cathy’s right to speech or Chick-fil-A’s ability to conduct its business. Cathy is exercising his first amendment right and there is nothing wrong with closing on Sunday and having biblical principles in your business practices. What is wrong, however, are their conscientious efforts to help causes that dedicate their time and resources to the hate and discrimination of homosexuals.

            If Cathy had just said, “gay marriage is wrong” and moved on, I personally wouldn't care and would still be enjoying their tasty homophobic nuggets. That’s his business. However, according to EqualityMatters.org, nearly $5 million has been donated to faith-based organizations through WinShape, Chick-fil-A’s charity. Faith based is usually just a nice way of saying anti-gay.

            This charity has done many good things for communities by offering camps for youth and by supporting family tradition. I acknowledge and admire that. However, their donations to groups like Exodus, whose attempts in the past to “cure” homosexuality and give therapy to “ex-homosexuals” are uncalled for. According to the American Medical Association, homosexuality is not a disease therefore it needs no cure and trying to “cure” them will only hurt the individual further. 

            WinShape has also donated funds to the Family Research Council, whose president, Tony Perkins, said that homosexuals are “intolerant, hateful and vile.” Perkins may want to remember the saying about the pot and the kettle.

TheFRC also distributes pamphlets stating that homosexual men and women are physically and mentally ill pedophiles who can be cured. To see the slander, you can download the pamphlet here http://www.frc.org/.

            These actions of these companies and the donations by WinShape promote anti-gay agenda and have no place in businesses of any kind. Chick-fil-A’s purpose is to make scrumptious chicken meals, not to tell others who they can marry. I wouldn’t support a business that only catered to gays or donated money to anti-black organizations such as the KKK. Why should anyone support any business that openly discriminates against others?

From a business standpoint, Cathy made a bad decision. Chick-fil-A’s approval rating has plummeted and they are sure to endure more backlash and financial loss due to Cathy’s verbal vomiting. City officials from Boston and Chicago have publicly stated that the cow-friendly business’s views are not welcome in their cities. And although it would be unlawful to prevent them from building in these cities, I’m glad people with authority are speaking out against the destructive behaviors Chick-fil-A supports.

            This ordeal is truly a shame. I like Chick-fil-A’s food, their good service and their generally clean restaurants. However, I will never give my money to a business that would willingly try to oppress or support the discrimination of a particular sect of people.

I will continue to do as Chick-fil-A’s motto says and “Eat Mor Chikin” However, I will do it somewhere else. 

Vaginas are Cunts

The past couple of relationships I've endured have made me question love and karma. They're not in sync with each other and quite possibly never will be.

My heart isn't where it once was. Despite the abuse and torture we put ourselves through in the name of love, this has gone too far.

Kayla absolutely destroyed me with her actions at the end of our relationship and with her and her family's actions post-relationship. I did nothing but give and give and give and what did it get me? Lies, slander, and death threats.

Her parents convinced her I was a controlling jerk. I guess Kayla being able to sleep until three in the afternoon and trash my house while watching TV is somehow me being controlling. She never got a job, barely tried to. She only legitimately tried to after I caught her smoking when she had been lying about quitting for weeks. Her lies about smoking were the last I could take though. I didn't mind that she smoked. She promised to quit because I told her I would get her pet rats if she did. She pretended to quit and I got them for her. I told her if she started smoking the rats would go away but instead of getting rid of the rats, I got rid of the liar.

So between the lack of job, lack of effort and the excessive lying; I decided to kick her out. No amount of money I ever spent on her (clothing, food, concerts, pets, etc) would ever be enough to sate Kayla. I feel sorry for any man who has to tolerate her. It didn't matter that I loved her, cherished her, opened doors, pulled out chairs, paid for her dinners, bought her clothing, paid her admission into every show, paid for her gas when she had a car. All that mattered was that I didn't tolerate her lying to me.

Moving on though. About a month after she brought her mom and some criminal with her to pick up some of her belongings (he threatened me and tried to force his way into my house to steal my rat), things died down. After about a month of absolutely no contact with anyone from Kayla's world I started receiving death threats from her friends and family.

There was a picture posted on my friend's page of me, Kayla and a singer from a local band where Kayla proceeded to point me out to people so they could "come get me." I couldn't understand why out of the blue she would have this urge to see me physically harmed by her friends and family. I received death threats from her brother and her sister in law. Which were then followed up by a guy named Chris whom I've never met. Turns out Kayla told everyone I was beating her. That's fucking cute. Literally two months after we break up she starts in with this shit?

Kayla used one instance against me where she tried to jump on me while we were playing around and she slid off me. She then hit the ground very hard and had the air knocked out of her. I didn't do it, neither did she really. She was fine a couple minutes later. You can ask my mom, she was sitting next to me when it happened.

Also, Kayla had asked me to begin choking her during sex. I don't do that. I'm not into it. However, she said if I put pressure on her neck that would be fine. So I compromised. That same weekend, she went over to her moms and showed her "bruises" on her neck from where I "choked" her. I never gripped her hard enough to choke her much less bruise her. Oddly, that same week she had asked my mom if I was okay because Kayla and I weren't having sex as often as Kayla liked. That's when she even confessed to my mom that she asked me to choke her. My mom was a bit freaked out by that and told me about her conversation with Kayla. That was fucking awkward as hell.

Anyway, I called Kayla's mom to inform of her the death threats I was receiving. Her mom did try to tell some people to back off but it wasn't enough. After Kayla's brother caught wind that I tattled, he then sent me death threats. I told him a few things he didn't want to hear about his sister and that caused a brew haw I wasn't prepared for.

I informed Jessi, Kayla's brother, of her claims that he molested her when she young. Honestly, I don't believe Jessi did this. I think Kayla just claimed it for attention. She also claimed her ex-boyfriend Matt beat her all the time too. I despise Matt but I don't believe he beat her.

Rather than being mature about everything, Kayla's mom called me and said she was going to take legal action against me for slander!! Are you fucking kidding? She told me I was lying about her son Jessi. Truth is, I'm not lying about Jessi, Kayla is. Kayla told detailed stories about Jessi having sex with her stuffed animals and trying to get her to touch him while he masturbated. I don't believe it, just reporting what she told me.

So for my actions, Kayla's mom decided to call my jobs. She called one job and got all the way to the corporate office bitching about a comment I made on my profile on Facebook which btw had nothing to do with her. She was just trying to get me fired. This crossed the fucking line. If you have a problem with me, that's fine. DON'T YOU DARE CALL MY FUCKING WORK THOUGH. Keep it personal. So I called the police and tried to get harassment charges placed against the family. Magically, the death threats stopped and all the comments and messages were deleted that slandered me.

I'm stupid for getting myself involved with someone who I knew was a liar. However, she showed initiative to change and I thought we could grow together. I was wrong. Horridly, dreadfully, destructively wrong.

That's the story. I had to state it because it's been eating me alive. I truly, truly loved and cared for Kayla. It broke my heart when my mind convinced my soul to break things off. However, she is vermin. Anyone who lies about rape, beating, choking all for the sake of getting people against them is a horrible human. In fact, she's not even human. She's a vessel of lies, slander and malfunction. I hope she gets help.

Part TWO:

My heart aches for a friend of mine. I won't say his name because he wouldn't want me too. However, after a year long relationship things broke off. Not a tragic breakup but a sudden one. What irks me about it is how much was stolen from him. Total lack of regard for his belongings. I gave him tons of my stuff because I needed to get rid of stuff and I had duplicates of Manson shirts and many other items. She took everything from him. Everything that wasn't her's. She up and left him and took all of his stuff, why? If you don't want to be with someone at least leave them with THEIR belongings and their dignity.

I understand property quarrels but she took a TON of CDs of bands she doesn't even like or listen to. Why? To fuck up his day and make him realize what he's missing. Fuck that. People who get their houses broken into lose less than what he did. Not only that, she took items that I gave to HIM, not her. She doesn't deserve those items. They were given to him because they were valuable and he's valuable enough of a friend to be trusted with them. Not her! Oh yea, plus she left my friend with a $1200 credit card bill. Which I'm sure she'll pay back never.

Aside from the property, this bitch is also someone who vouched for Kayla and supplied cigarettes to Kayla when she knew Kayla promised she would quit. I don't blame her for that though, Kayla made her decisions. However, I do blame her for lying about it when I asked her about it. She contributed to more of a downfall for my relationship with Kayla. But it didn't affect her so she didn't care. She's selfish.

Part THREE:

My most recent disaster. I tried to be a friend, I succeeded. I tried to be there for her, I succeeded. She wanted peace and solace with someone she could trust, I gave that to her. She wanted someone who could slow down her pulse when she was upset, I did. She wanted someone she could trust, she found him. She told him she loved him. Loved him madly even. She convinced me the water was safe but it turns out she was a shark in love's clothing. As soon as I committed to falling in love she decided to push me away because she didn't want to hurt me. She wasn't emotionally ready for me.

Maybe you outta mention that before you decide to tell me how much you fucking love me. Don't take my hand, my lips, my body, my heart and then tell me you're afraid of damaging them. Refuse the fucking offer if you know you can't eat it all. Here I am, thinking I have someone who understands and cares for me. Nope, I have someone who's afraid of "hurting me." Not that throwing me away after confessing your love for me wouldn't anyway right? Fuck you.

Oh and this week a girl who has been flirting with me for a month and said she wanted me, introduced me to her husband by accident. Thanks cunt.

Nice guys don't finish last, they don't finish at all. They're left bleeding, dragging their crippled bodies from the starting line. Only to forfeit the fucking race because all the other racers decided to take cheap shots at them to get ahead in the race. Well congratulations bitches, you won. And at what cost? Just a few guys a long the way. So glad we could be there for you. Take our hearts, our money, our property and our freedom. We were giving them away to you so it's not really stealing right?

These women have almost single-handedly made me give up on love altogether. How can people so openly take advantage of others? My family never raised me to be this way. I was to treat others the way I wanted to be treated if not better. I did and what does it fucking get me? Heart broken.

If the devil is real, she's a woman. No man could ever as cleverly destroy the lives of other men the way these women do.

What the Puckery

After being extracted from the Dallas Stars for a little while now I can now honestly say what I hate about hockey without being biased towards any team or player. I've watched every playoff game that's aired on Versus and NBC so I think I've earned the right to complain.

Firstly, fuck NBC. Their announcers are too old and continue to use the same catch phrases over and over. Also, NBC sucks because they only care about hockey when the Stanley Cup playoffs are around. They don't give a shit until it's championship time then they act like they carried 60 games when in all actuality they carried around 4 or 5 before the playoffs started. This is the same bone-headed network that decided to air Curling rather than USA vs. Canada hockey which sent Winter Olympic fans into an uproar (including myself). If they want me to take them seriously and not mute them when they talk, they need to actually air more than 20 games a year before I believe they care about hockey.

Secondly, I'm tired of linesmen jerking themselves off before every faceoff. Just drop the fucking puck. I'm completely baffled at times as to why certain players get kicked out of the face-off circle. I understand encroachment, too much physical contact before the drop, cheating the lines and not getting set in time however, I don't understand why linesmen continue to kick people out for simply standing there. If you want the game to have more flow, drop the puck and get on with it.

Next, some hockey players need to join a soccer league. I've never seen so much diving before (talking to you Vancouver). There used to be pride in staying on your skates but with the new rules in place, as soon as a stick gets anywhere near a skate the player just folds 'em up and falls over like they've been shot. There should be virtually no penalties in the playoffs. If a player is bleeding or hauled down on a breakaway then sure, other than that let them play. So Kesler, please man up and stay up right once in a while.

Lastly, stop dry humping goal-tenders. These Holmstrom characters should start wearing G-strings and dancing if they're going to rub that much ass on other men. If refs should start calling real penalties, they need to start with goaltender interference. I'm sick of guys taking runs at goalies. If you can't score on him, too bad. Taking cheap shots and smearing ass sweat on a goaltender is a pathetic way to play hockey in the crease. Screen him, make him push you out of the way; don't give him a lap dance though.

Other than that, this has been a fantastic playoff picture with great series and upsets. I hope the Stars can be a part of it next year but I've been enjoying watching other teams lose for once : )

Keep up the good work Bettman.

Grant

Unedited Interview With Andy Laplegua from Combichrist

DISCLAIMER: This interview has no affiliation with the interview done for The News Register or http://www.newsregisteronline.com/





August 22nd 2010 - I took what seemed like the longest elevator ride of my life getting to Andy's hotel room. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous as hell. My breath quavered as I went over all the things that could go wrong. I get to his room and he anxiously greets me with a handshake and a "c'mon in big daddy." At this point my anxiety wears off.



I take a seat next to his bed as Andy prepares his DJ equipment with local scene icon DJ Virus. They're both spinning at the Church/Lizard Lounge tonight.



After many concerned looks from Andy at his laptop he says "shit, I think I broke it," which was followed by a laugh.



He got his equipment fixed as Joe Virus listened in awe to previews of what Andy was playing tonight. DJ Virus is an excellent DJ and to see his astonishment with Andy's methods was something I didn't expect.



At this point Andy sat at a desk across from me and the interview began.





Andy: You'll have to excuse me, I literally just got back from the airport coming from Denver

GZ: You're cool, how was Denver?

Andy: It was fun, it's cool, yea that's about it (laughs)



GZ: How does it feel to be back in the U.S. after the Euro-tour



Andy: Good, I've been missing it because we've been doing nothing but European dates since October, so almost a year now. It's nice to be back on, now what I call my homeground. I'm looking forward to doing shows here again.



GZ: How do prepare differently for shows here in the States as opposed to in Europe. I saw you at Granada Theater where there's maybe 4 or 5 hundred people as opposed to Rammstein where you're playing for 30,000? How does that affect you?



Andy: It's like comparing making love and having sex. Same thing but two totally different things and one isn't necessarily better than the other. Both are great in totally different ways. It's just the feeling [of the show]. Sometimes I prefer to play the venue shows, like the 5 or 6 hundred because it's so much more intimate. But the preparation is the same. Except for when you're playing the big shows there's like a million people running everything and there's no fucking around. You're ready 10 minutes before the show behind the stage and literally on the second of when you're supposed to go on you go on. There's 120 people in the crew and it's a million dollar production everyday. 21 trucks, 13 night liners so you have to adjust to everyone else. You can't expect people to adjust to you when you're a part of something this huge. But if you're playing your own show no one really cares if you're a little late. If I want one more beer before I go on people will say ok.



GZ: Why do you think they get such bigger crowds in Europe than they do here? Is there a different appreciation for music over there?



Andy: I don't think that's the case. In regards to Rammstein they never focused on promoting here in the states and plus they sing German lyrics. They push really, really hard in Germany specifically and in Europe. So they're a mainstream band there. They're like Madonna here. It has nothing to do with music style. Like Metallica, they are Europe's Metallica. So it's not really any different they just happen to be bigger there because that's where the market is. Club shows and venue shows are very similar here and there. Obviously you have a lot more festivals in Europe but that's because it's more of a cultural thing. There's more of them and they happen more often in Europe so it's more of a festival culture there. Plus, I think people just like to go away for a week and get camped. They can get fucked up for a week and go and see bands.



GZ: Is tonight an actual CD release party or just a listening party



Andy: Hey Joe, you wanna answer this? Does this mean I have to play my own stuff tonight?



Joe: I'll play your stuff for you



Andy: I think it's mainly just to promote the new single [Never Surrender] but for me personally it's to just go out and just go to the cities I've been missing. Go out and hang out with the crowd because I miss being here in Dallas.



GZ: Well we miss you too



Andy: Awwww, it's so sentimental! I love you man! (laughs)



GZ: I love you too. Was there an overall theme for the new album or does that develope as the album comes along?



Andy: There are a couple of tracks on the album that are very Combichristy when it comes to like not taking things too seriously like with funny lyrics but overall, this album is more serious and personal than any of the other albums. Since I'm not writing anything for Panzer AG or Scandy anymore I felt I had more liberty to use elements from them that I normally would used on those projects



GZ: Making Monsters is being released barely a year after Today We are All Demons, do you think this might be too much too soon or do you think you're doing the right thing?



Andy: I never really think about that because I never really cared. It's the right time for me to do this and I had this in me. The last thing I'm going to think about when doing this is marketing. For my sake it's music and I'm doing what I want to and I'm going to do it when I feel like it's right.



GZ: Why is Never Surrender the lead single off of Making Monsters?


Andy: I was impartial about which one would be the single and my management picked it out. I had so much conflict with myself because I wasn't sure which song I wanted to use that would represent this album overall. They [management] said "why not Never Surrender?" I thought about it and it kind of had every element of the album in it. The lyrics embodied the overall album with what I was going through and how I was feeling at the time so it ended up being a good decision. Initially, it was not my idea but I'm glad it came out this way.



GZ: The lead singer of Bleeding Through [Brandan Schieppati] does guest vocals on "Follow the Trail of Blood," what made you decide to do a song with him?



Andy: We have a similar background, we both come from the punk rock and hardcore scene. We're friends and I thought it would be cool to collaborate with him. I really dig what they're doing. Every time I listen to them, every time I see them, every time I go to hang out with them I always get flashbacks of when I used to go out to all the hardcore and metal shows when I was a kid. It brought a lot of energy and good memories back to me. I wanted to see where we could go with that for that track.



GZ: How do you juggle all the projects you have?



Andy: It used to be no problem because I had time for everything. I don't really do anything else but Combichrist right now aside from Scandinavian Cock which is my punk-rock n roll band. It has everything from punk rock to even southern rock and straight ACDC rock n roll. I don't want to call Scandinavian Cock a project, it's a band. It's 5 guys who get together and jam and play rock n roll. It's something that I miss doing. It's 5 guys with instruments who play them. You don't have to sit down and produce anything. I can only do this when I'm home though. The EP for Scandinavian Cock will be out soon too. I'll take it as it comes and hope to do more of it.

Everything else is basically scrapped or put on ice. Icon of Coil hasn't existed for 6 years. We've done a couple of shows here and there but we haven't written anything. We just use it as an excuse to get together every now and then and party. Panzer AG, I haven't written anything for in a while. I think we'll do a couple more shows but those will be the last ones we'll do for Panzer. Scandy is done, finished. That's what I meant earlier when I said I had more freedom to do this album because I could use more of my other inspirations and put into Combichrist and make it even more variated and evolve even further. I don't really have to juggle anything anymore which is nice. I'm just too busy with Combichrist.



GZ: Do you have any intentions of doing a cover? Putting a Combichrist twist on any classics or anything?



Andy: I was thinking about doing some ABBA covers.



Grant: I don't know if I should take you seriously on this one or not.



Andy: I'm not sure, we've been talking about doing 3 or 4 of them and doing them live as we feel like it. So far we haven't had the time to but we've been thinking about it.



Grant: Will there be a live CD at some point?



Andy: I'm not going to say no but personally I'm not a big fan of live CDs. There's something about being in a room and seeing a band live that you can not translate to audio. I see Combichrist as two different parts, the studio part and the live part. They're two totally different experiences. Feels and sounds different and I kinda want to keep it that way. I don't think anyone is able to create that feeling on CD. Maybe a DVD because at least you get the visual of it.



GZ: For me, I've seen you live and I can conjure you live on stage doing what you do. For instance "this shit will fuck you up" is dramatically different live than it is on CD. As soon as I hear it live I immediately want to get up and break shit.



Andy: (laughs) Right, if we do one I don't want to make a big deal out of it. I'd rather do this CD for the people who haven't seen us live because if you have seen us live there's always something that can bring you back to a place because you have that in you already or you've done it before. It's refreshing and you have a personal connection to it. It's not something I'd like to push towards people who don't know Combichrist.



GZ: I first saw you when you were opening for the Genitorturers, how did you evolve from a 2-man group into the 4 member, sometimes 5 group you are today?



Andy: We evolved with our music. Natural progress with the band. I'd say I want more of this or more of that I want to do this and I want to do that but I needed other people. Right now, it's only me in the studio and the band comes when Combichrist is live. It evolved into a band rather than just me. We're not just an electronic band anymore, we wouldn't be able to get our sound out there with just one or two people on stage.

GZ: Do you think you'll ever do a song in your native song (Norwegian) for Combichrist

Andy: If I feel that it's natural to do it then yes but when I don't feel it's necessary there is no point to push it.

GZ: How about one Spanish?

Andy: Let me get some Spanish lessons first and we'll talk (laughs)

GZ: Does the music or the lyrics come first for you

Andy: Both, it depends on the song. For Combichrist it's been mainly the music element first because the music is the main focus. On Making Monsters I did a lot of the lyrics up front because there were a lot of things closer to my heart that I wanted to write.

GZ: I know a lot of your music is influenced by certain movies, how did you translate those movies into your music? This is My Rifle based off of Full Metal Jacket and Blut Royale being a spin off of Battle Royale

Andy: That's a good question, I just had it in the back of my head as I'm doing it. It's kind of like "how do you paint a feeling" or "what color is greed?" There's no easy answer for it, it's just what reminds you of it at the time. It all gets back to personal preferences in art.

GZ: Combichrist has a dark theme going with Guns, Monsters, and Demons; do you think industrial focuses on the macabre and the darker aspects of the world?

Andy: I don't think it's necessarily dark, I think it's an outlet for people. For myself it's an outlet and I'm a very positive person. Having a channel for your frustrations is a good thing. It allows you to live your life positively. I think it's the same thing for a lot of people listening to this music. They get through certain issues and problems in their life. For me, I can be listening to something ridicously aggressive and I just get this happy feeling. There's just so much power in it and it gets me going. It's just something that fuels you with energy. It's therapeutic, just like driving your car aggressively. You don't have to be pissed off to do it, you just get that adrenaline going.

GZ: Do you think industrial can ever be "mainstream" again?

Andy: I think mainstream is a very relative term. It's really about if people pick it up and they like it and the majority of people like it becomes mainstream. Slipknot is mainstream and they're more brutal than a lot of underground bands. If people like it, I don't think it will be the genre that becomes mainstream but just that band will be. Like Nine Inch Nails for example, they're mainstream but it didn't make industrial mainstream just NIN mainstream. Even country music, a lot of it is mainstream but there's still some really gritty and dirty country out there that's underground.

GZ: Mentioning your love for films earlier, do you think you'll ever do the acting switch over?

Andy: Funny you ask that

GZ: Should I que the porno music

Andy: (laughs) I'm doing a movie right now that's coming soon it's called Gangbus 14.

GZ: (laughs) Joe Virus was in Gangbus 13 wasn't he

Joe: NO! (laughs)

Andy: Seriously though I would really like to do the movie thing. I did theatre in school but I hate theatrical stuff because it's so over the top. It's not something I'd ever do as a career. I'd like to do it just for the experience and have fun doing it.

GZ: I really like your "Can't Change the Beat" shirt which parodies the Barack Obama theme, do you have any political views

Andy: I don't have political views, I have personal views. It's impossible to go through life with out opinions of what goes on around you. I'm certainly happy it wasn't McCain who was elected but at the same time I'm conservative at times. I'm not a politician and I don't expect my politicians to be musicians. It needs to remain separated. If Obama would say "I really like this type of music" I would say "fine, listen to it but don't play it." Same with me, I can say my opinion but I'm not going to be the politician

GZ: Do you think you'll ever do an Andy-Fest and have Icon of Coil, Panzer AG and Combichrist play on the same night?

Andy: (laughs) Yeah with two pounds of meth to get through it all. We played with the thought of it just as a joke. It would be too tough. It would be even funnier if everyone involved played with their other projects too because it would be a festival of the same 5 people over and over.

GZ: What would you be doing with out music? Scary thought.

Andy: I can't imagine myself without music. It's not impossible but it's definitely strange. We'll see where I go when I have to cut down on touring.

GZ: Is there a pinnacle for you where you feel like you've done it all?

Andy: Is that a sexual question or a musical question?

GZ: However you want to take it.

Andy: Well then yes and yes. Seriously though not really. There's always something I want to do and I feel this way daily. I was say to myself I wish I had time to do this and that and even today I mentioned to Joe Virus that I wanted to do a classic jazz album. Like 1920's jazz. Stuff Portishead is based on. Blues based everything. I don't think I can listen to any music that I like without thinking man I should write an album in this genre. You never know, I might feel old one day and start doing acoustic guitar cello stuff.

GZ: Last question, in regards to one of your past albums; did you ever find out What the Fuck is Wrong with Us?

Andy: Good question but I have bad answers. I put it like this; I like people but I hate humanity. I prefer dogs over humans and I consider myself a dog.

Milf Moustache

Odd request I'm fulfilling here. My gay friend asked me at work why guys enjoy MILFS so much. So, Grant Ziegler, your proclaimed MILF expert is here to give all an insight as to why MILFS are so hot to guys my age. If you're a starter at this game I'll let you know that MILF stands Mother I'd Like to Fuck. We're not talking 14 year old hispanic mother types, we're talking "soccer, take my temperature, minivan, 35-50 year old" MILF.

This all started when a friend of mind at work noticed most of the moms (MILFS and not so much MILFS) that came into the store, flirted with me quite a bit. He even witnessed one of them spank me on the ass with a movie. Which believe it or not, isn't all that uncommon in my store. This is usually a monthly occasion for me. My friend is homosexual and inquired about why I would flirt back or be even remotely turned on by and I quote "women whose vaginas aren't located properly anymore due to childbirth." He doesn't have a DILF complex so this does require some explanation for him. Anyways, welcome to MILF 101.

First of all, experience. MILFS didn't become MILFS by saying "no." They, in most cases, know what they're doing and they do it well. Youthful enthusiasm combined with motherly know how can make for a very steamy night. Not calling MILFS sluts, they've just been around long enough to know what you want and know what they want. When both parties can be in agreement, electricity tends to happen. Secondly, in my encounters, MILFS don't play all the love games so many so called "hotties" like to play. I've witnessed men in clubs/bars give up their whole life savings on drinks for a girl who wouldn't even sleep with them. These "hotties" terrorize men by giving them just the little shred of hope to keep them hanging on by a thread so that they can manipulate guys into giving them what they want w/out having to give anything back.

Now MILFS on the other hand have shit to do. They don't play these games because they have somewhere to be in the morning. If you're worthy enough, a MILF will have you fucked and home by midnight because the MILF has an important meeting in the morning or has to get home to feed the little one(s). Play your cards right and don't be an asshole and chances are it will work out. A subnote to the above point is that many MILFS in this situation usually do not look for strings attached. They needed love one night and one night only and you don't have to come around anymore. No relationships, no worries of her child calling you "daddy" someday. This is a huge plus for guys because there is no pressure on us and we can perform better for you. We don't have to worry about a woman falling in love and then the guy having to get the fuck outta her apartment before she wakes up. It's agreed, it's just plain adult fun and nothing more.

Also, if a woman believes she won't see you again she may be more apt to try things with you that she was too afraid to try with someone she wanted to impress. Inhibitions are limited at times and who knows, she may want to be choked or she may want to choke you. That's just an example.

Honestly, you've never had a truly great night of wild sex until you're sent home with a fruit roll-up or a juice box. Maybe even a lunchable. I remember having a Wild Cherry Capri-Sun after a wild night with a mom I met at a Judas Priest concert. It was amazing. Great music, great sex, and I relived my childhood memories of great juicy snack drinks. I hadn't had a capri-sun in probably eight years up until that point. If you do actually stay the night with a MILF chances are you're staying with a good cook. You wake up after a great night of sex to the smell of whatever the local flavor is that morning. She is a mom, so the chances are good that she'll know how to cook something good for the both of you. True happiness to a man is having a good feeling in his pants and a good taste in his mouth. Sometimes those things occur at the same time. MILFS are good for both.

Alright, those were the easily noticable and physical reasons why men like MILFS. For psychology purposes, have fun with this explanation. Men always have some sort of infatuation with their moms. I'M NOT SAYING THEY WANT TO FUCK THEIR MOTHERS! I'm just saying, that most men find mom to be a security blanket and a place in their brain where they know they can to be okay. Men enjoy the being with an older woman because they find a comfort level in MILFS like they did with their mom. Whether it be a form of cuddling or mom bringing food to you when you're sick. It's just a mental state that make men feel comfortable. When men are comfortable, they can more easily obtain arousal. The touch of an older woman can trigger a part of the brain that reminds of them of mom. It may sound creepy or odd but it's true. Freud may have been crazy at times but he had good points that still hold true to this day. We've covered up the psychology part of MILFS so we can be attracted to the idea of it with out being intimidated by it.

But really, our MILF addiction is no different then Freud's theories aside from the fact guys don't want to fuck their moms, they want figures that remind them of their moms. So there you go everyone. MILFS are awesome for all the above reasons and more. I'm sure there are many more things others can add to this list. Personal experiences and reasons why MILFS are hot to them.

I'd love comments on this that agree or disagree with me and why. Hopefully this cleared the air for my MILF hating homo friend (JK Eric, I love you) and for any one else who was confused as to why men enjoy mommies the way we do. Sometimes, being called a motherfucker is a compliment :wink: